Perfectionism: It’s Messing with Your Mental Health, But There’s a Way Out

Let’s talk about perfectionism. At first glance, it might seem like a positive thing, right? I mean, who doesn’t want to do their best? But when you take it to the extreme—where you’re constantly chasing some unreachable standard—it starts to mess with your head. We’re talking anxiety, depression, and all kinds of stress. As a therapist, in Hermosa Beach, I see a lot of this in both individual therapy and couples therapy. Perfectionism creeps into every aspect of life and relationships, making things way harder than they need to be.

But here’s the thing: perfectionism can be managed. You don’t have to live your life constantly worried about not being good enough. Through tools like affirmations, self-compassion, and some good ol’ fashioned realistic goal-setting, you can start to break free from that perfectionist mindset. The goal? To accept yourself as you are—not as some ideal version you think you should be.

And guess what? You don’t have to figure this all out alone. There are tons of resources available, including books, self-help tools, and, of course, therapy in Hermosa Beach. A therapist can guide you through this process, helping you make real changes that stick. Whether you’re working through perfectionism individually or in your relationship, there’s help.

Why I Care About Perfectionism (And Why You Should Too)

As a therapist who works with both individual clients and couples in Hermosa Beach and beyond, I see perfectionism all the time. It’s not just about wanting to be the best at work or in school. It often shows up in relationships, too. People feel like they need to be perfect to be worthy of love—like one wrong move and they’re out.

I can’t tell you how many clients come in—whether it’s for individual therapy or couples therapy—carrying around this burden. It makes relationships feel like a pressure cooker instead of a place of support. If you’re always walking on eggshells, trying to be perfect for your partner, your boss, or even yourself, it’s exhausting. And let’s face it, it’s unsustainable. The idea that you have to be perfect to be loved? Yeah, that’s got to go.

The Psychology of Perfectionism: What’s Going On in Your Head?

So, what’s perfectionism all about, really? It’s not just about wanting to do well. Perfectionism is this constant, relentless drive for flawlessness, and it’s usually rooted in fear—fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of rejection. Basically, perfectionists believe that if they mess up, even just a little, it means they’ll be rejected or unloved.

This mindset can be influenced by a bunch of things: societal pressures, how you were raised, maybe even a parent who was a perfectionist. It all contributes to this belief that love and acceptance are conditional—something you have to earnby being perfect. And when you believe that, it’s easy to fall into the perfectionism trap.

In therapy, whether it’s individual therapy or couples therapy, part of the work is understanding where these perfectionist tendencies come from. Once you know the root of it, you can start challenging those beliefs and, slowly but surely, replace them with more realistic, compassionate ones.

Perfectionism and Self-Worth: They’re Tied Together, But They Shouldn’t Be

A big problem with perfectionism is how it messes with your sense of self-worth. Perfectionists often believe that their value comes from their achievements. If they meet their impossibly high standards, they’re good enough. If not, well, cue the self-doubt and shame. The problem is, even when perfectionists do hit those high marks, it never feels like enough. There’s always something more to do, something better to be.

This constant feeling of inadequacy can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. Over time, it even takes a toll on your body—things like burnout and stress-related illnesses become real concerns.

Here’s what I tell my clients, whether they’re coming in for individual therapy or couples therapy in Hermosa Beach: Your self-worth has nothing to do with how perfect you are. You don’t have to be flawless to be valuable. You’re enough just as you are—and therapy can help you really believe that.

Using Affirmations to Combat Perfectionism

One practical way to start untangling perfectionism is through affirmations. I know, I know—affirmations can feel cheesy. But when done consistently and with intention, they can really help change the way you think about yourself.

Affirmations are simple but powerful statements that challenge your negative thoughts. Over time, they can help you build self-compassion and start seeing yourself in a more positive light. Here are some good ones to try:

• I am enough just as I am.
• I am worthy of love and respect, regardless of my achievements.
• I am learning and growing every day.
• I choose to be kind to myself.
• I am more than my mistakes.

These affirmations can be a great tool whether you’re working on perfectionism through individual therapy or addressing it with your partner in couples therapy. They’re a small step that can lead to bigger, more meaningful changes.

Therapy in Hermosa Beach: Managing Perfectionism One Session at a Time

Look, I’ll be real—affirmations are just the beginning. Tackling perfectionism often requires a bit more work, and that’s where therapy comes in. In individual therapy, you can work through the perfectionist mindset, identifying the thoughts and behaviors that are holding you back. Together, we can figure out realistic goals, practice self-compassion, and ultimately, embrace the idea that being “good enough” is, well, good enough.

And if perfectionism is creeping into your relationship, couples therapy in Hermosa Beach is a game-changer. Relationships thrive when there’s room for imperfection. If both partners are constantly trying to be perfect—or expecting the other person to be—it’s a recipe for tension, resentment, and emotional distance. Therapy helps you communicate better, let go of unrealistic expectations, and reconnect on a deeper, more authentic level.

Books to Dive Deeper Into Perfectionism

If you’re a reader and want to learn more about perfectionism, there are some fantastic books out there. Here are a few of my favorites:

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown (a must-read, honestly).
• How to Be an Imperfectionist by Stephen Guise.
• The Perfectionism Workbook by Taylor Newendorp.

These books can offer valuable insights and strategies for managing perfectionism, whether you’re working on yourself through individual therapy or improving your relationship in couples therapy.

Perfectionism and Relationships: Why It’s a Recipe for Conflict

Here’s something I see all the time in couples therapy: perfectionism can really strain relationships. When one or both partners are perfectionists, it leads to unrealistic expectations, constant criticism, and emotional distance. If you’re always striving to be perfect, it’s hard to be fully present and vulnerable with your partner. And honestly, that’s what relationships are all about—being real, imperfections and all.

Perfectionism can also create a fear of rejection, which makes it tough to have honest conversations or express your true feelings. In couples therapy, we work on breaking down those walls. The goal is to help couples communicate more openly, let go of the pressure to be perfect, and build a relationship based on authenticity and connection.

The Takeaway: Embrace Your Imperfections (Seriously, It’s Better for You)

At the end of the day, here’s what I want you to remember: perfection is an illusion. No one’s perfect, and that’s okay. In fact, embracing imperfection is where real growth, connection, and happiness come from. It’s not about reaching some flawless state—it’s about being comfortable with who you are, as you are.

So whether you’re struggling with perfectionism on your own or it’s creeping into your relationship, know that you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Therapy in Hermosa Beach can help you move from perfectionism toward self-compassion, acceptance, and yes, a little more joy.

And if you’re ready to take that step, I’m here to help. Whether it’s individual therapy or couples therapy, finding a therapist in Hermosa Beach can be your first step toward ditching perfectionism and embracing your perfectly imperfect self.

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