Are Feelings Real? Understanding Emotions from a Therapist’s Perspective

“Are feelings real? Are we actually feeling reality?” As a therapist, working with both couples and individuals in Hermosa Beach and the South Bay area (and virtually for all you California folks), I hear these questions all the time. Feelings are a central part of being human. They guide our decisions, influence our relationships, and shape how we see the world. But here’s the catch: they don’t always line up with reality. So, are feelings just as real as, say, gravity? Or are they more like Instagram filters for our experiences—personalized and sometimes a little misleading?

Let’s explore what feelings really are, how they affect our lives, and when they might not match up with reality. We’ll also dig into why ignoring your feelings is basically like putting duct tape over your car’s check-engine light (it never ends well). As a couples therapist, I’ll sprinkle in some relationship wisdom along the way, too, because trust me, feelings play a starring role in any love story.

Feelings vs. Emotions: Not the Same Thing?

Let’s clear up some confusion here: feelings and emotions are not interchangeable terms. Emotions are universal, physiological reactions. Fear, joy, sadness—everyone has them. Feelings, though, are how we personally interpret those emotions. They’re our brain’s spin on the raw data that emotions deliver.

For example, fear is a basic emotion. It’s automatic and happens in response to a perceived threat. But how you feel about that fear? That’s unique to you. One person might feel anxious and want to run, while another might feel a rush of adrenaline and lean into the challenge. Understanding this difference is key—especially in therapy. Feelings are real in the sense that they are genuine experiences, but they don’t always align with reality. They’re shaped by our biases, history, and mood, so it’s important to check in with them and not just assume they’re 100% accurate.

Feelings Aren’t Facts (But They’re Still Important)

Here’s a biggie: feelings are not facts. They are not a mirror of objective reality. Just because you feel unloved doesn’t mean you actually are unloved. It might be a reflection of past wounds, current stress, or your inner critic getting a little too chatty. As a therapist, I work with both individuals and couples on this a lot. We validate the feelings, but we also check if they’re painting a true picture of what’s going on.

That’s the thing—your feelings are valid, but they might not be telling you the full story. And that’s okay! Part of therapy in Hermosa Beach (or really anywhere) is learning how to acknowledge and validate your feelings without letting them take the driver’s seat in every situation. Once we recognize that feelings aren’t facts, we can work on responding to them in a healthier way, rather than reacting impulsively.

Repressing Feelings: The Emotional Beach Ball Effect

Let’s talk repression. Imagine trying to hold a beach ball underwater—it takes a ton of energy, and eventually, that ball’s going to shoot up and probably smack you in the face. Repressing feelings works the same way. Sure, you can shove them down for a while, but sooner or later, they’ll pop back up, often in ways you didn’t expect—like through anxiety, physical tension, or sudden emotional outbursts.

In both individual therapy and couples therapy, I help clients unpack these repressed emotions. Maybe someone’s been holding onto resentment or sadness for years, and it’s quietly been sabotaging their relationships or personal well-being. When you don’t address feelings, they fester. On the flip side, learning to express and process emotions in a healthy way can lead to breakthroughs in self-understanding and deeper connection with others.

Validation: The Emotional Support Your Feelings Need

Validation doesn’t mean you have to agree with your feelings or act on them. It simply means you acknowledge them as real and important. In therapy, this is huge. When people feel their emotions are being dismissed—by themselves or others—they can become disconnected from their emotional world. This disconnection leads to confusion, anxiety, and even depression.

Validating feelings is like giving your emotions a seat at the table without letting them run the whole show. It’s about saying, “I hear you,” rather than, “You’re in charge.” This approach not only improves emotional intelligence but also helps strengthen relationships. I often remind couples that validating your partner’s feelings can go a long way in creating trust and emotional intimacy. You don’t have to agree with what they’re feeling, but acknowledging their experience can make all the difference.

Balancing Emotions and Logic: The Therapy Sweet Spot

We all know that feeling vs. thinking battle. Sometimes we act on raw emotion (hello, impulse shopping), and other times we overthink and ignore how we feel in favor of pure logic (and then end up in a job we hate). Neither extreme works long-term. The key, as I tell my clients in therapy here in South Bay, is balance.

When you learn to combine emotional intelligence with logic, that’s when you make more well-rounded, satisfying decisions. For example, in couples therapy, I often help partners navigate this balance. It’s not about ignoring emotions and purely solving problems with logic—it’s about understanding each other’s emotional landscape while also staying grounded in reality. Same goes for individual therapy: we work on understanding feelings, but we don’t let them cloud your ability to make clear decisions.

How Therapy in Hermosa Beach Can Help You Understand Your Feelings

At the end of the day, therapy in Hermosa Beach, or anywhere, is all about gaining insight into your emotional world and learning how to manage those feelings in healthier, more constructive ways. Individual therapy can help you figure out how past experiences are shaping your present emotional reactions. Couples therapy can help both partners learn to communicate their feelings without fear or defensiveness.

I always say that therapy is like emotional CrossFit for your mind—it’s about building the emotional muscles that help you navigate life’s ups and downs. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotions or struggling to express them in relationships, therapy in Hermosa Beach offers a supportive, non-judgmental space to work through it. You get to explore what’s really driving your feelings, how to balance them with logic, and how to communicate more effectively with the people in your life.

So, if you’re feeling a little lost in the emotional weeds, therapy in South Bay might be exactly what you need to find clarity, reconnect with yourself, and improve your relationships—whether that’s through individual therapy or couples therapy. And hey, the beach is just around the corner for some post-session mindfulness!