subject spotlight
Therapy for relational trauma
Understanding Trauma: It's Not All Big and Obvious
When we hear the word trauma, most of us picture something dramatic—a car accident, a big loss, or maybe a disaster movie-type event. But let me tell you, trauma isn’t always that obvious. It comes in different shapes and sizes, and sometimes it sneaks in like a little gremlin, messing with our emotions and relationships without us even realizing.
As a therapist in Hermosa Beach, I’ve seen it all. Some people carry around massive traumas (what we’ll call Big “T” Trauma), and others deal with smaller but still painful events (enter Little “t” Trauma). Then, there’s the sneaky type that hits closest to home—Relational Trauma. Yep, the stuff that happens in our most important relationships, like with family, partners, or even close friends, can leave scars that last a lifetime.
Relational trauma is basically when things go wrong in those deep, personal relationships—like the ones that are supposed to make us feel safe and loved. Instead, they leave us feeling hurt, confused, or betrayed. It’s often long-term, simmering beneath the surface, and can come from things like emotional abuse, neglect, or instability. Whether it’s with family members, romantic partners, or even close friends, relational trauma can hit hard.
So, how does this type of trauma show up in real life? Let’s break it down:
Complex Family Dynamics
Ah, the old dysfunctional family story. It’s like the Thanksgiving dinner that turns into a reality show. Growing up in a chaotic environment—whether there was abuse, neglect, or just constant emotional roller coasters—can mess with your ability to form healthy relationships as an adult. If you grew up in a family where love and support weren’t consistent, you might struggle to even recognize what a healthy relationship looks like.
If you’re nodding along right now, this might be hitting close to home. Trust me, couples therapy or individual therapy can work wonders for healing these wounds and helping you break free from those patterns. Working with a therapist in Hermosa Beach, you can unlearn the behaviors you picked up in that chaos and create new, healthier ways to relate to others.
Domestic Violence
Surviving domestic violence? That’s heavy stuff. Even after leaving an abusive relationship, the trauma can linger, sticking to your brain like sand after a beach day. Therapy in Hermosa Beach is a safe space where you can unpack that experience and start to heal. Whether it’s couples therapy or individual therapy, it helps you rebuild trust—not just in others, but in yourself.
Abandonment
Let’s talk about abandonment for a second. Repeatedly feeling abandoned or rejected—whether physically or emotionally—can leave deep scars. If a caregiver or loved one made you feel like you didn’t matter, that stuff sticks with you, and it can create some serious trust issues later in life.
As a therapist in Hermosa Beach, I see a lot of people who, deep down, fear being abandoned again. This fear drives them to either cling too tightly to relationships or push people away entirely. But hey, good news—therapy helps you untangle these emotions and break the cycle.
Betrayal of Trust
You rely on someone, and then bam, they let you down in a big way. Whether it’s a parent, partner, or best friend, betrayal of trust can feel like someone just pulled the rug out from under you. It leaves you feeling like you can’t trust anyone ever again. If you’ve ever had a close relationship crumble because of betrayal, you know exactly how much it hurts.
But guess what? With the right support, you can rebuild that sense of safety. Therapy in Hermosa Beach is all about helping you heal, and regain the ability to trust again—without always looking over your shoulder.
Emotional Neglect and Inconsistent Attachment
When your caregiver was hot and cold—sometimes there, sometimes not—it can leave you feeling anxious in relationships. That constant uncertainty as a kid? Yeah, it shows up later in life when you find yourself always second-guessing whether your partner really cares about you.
This kind of inconsistency can make you feel unloved or unimportant, and it’s tough to shake those feelings. In therapy, we dig deep into those early experiences and work on building a stronger, more secure sense of self. Whether it’s couples therapy or individual therapy, we get to the root of the issue, and you learn how to connect without all that anxiety.
Enmeshment
Enmeshment is when boundaries get so blurred in a relationship that you don’t know where one person ends and the other begins. It’s like a friendship or partnership that’s so intertwined, you lose your sense of self. You’re not two people—just one big ball of us. This can lead to all sorts of issues, especially if you’ve already experienced relational trauma.
Therapy in Hermosa Beach can help you untangle yourself from these enmeshed relationships, rebuild your identity, and set healthy boundaries. And if you’re in a romantic relationship, couples therapy is a great way to ensure that you both grow as individuals while staying connected in a healthy way.
What is relational trauma?
Attachment Issues
If you’ve been hurt by those closest to you, it makes sense that forming healthy attachments later in life can feel like trying to surf for the first time. You’re wobbly, unsure, and sometimes you wipe out. Therapy helps you find your balance—whether you’re in couples therapy working through it with your partner or tackling it solo in individual therapy.
Emotional Roller Coasters
Relational trauma can turn your emotions into a wild ride—ups, downs, and sudden stops. Anxiety, depression, and emotional swings can all be linked to trauma. When you’re in therapy in Hermosa Beach, we work together to help you regulate those emotions so you can stop feeling like you’re constantly on a rollercoaster without a seatbelt.
Self-Esteem Struggles
When someone’s hurt you in a close relationship, it can mess with your self-esteem in a big way. You might feel like you’re not good enough or that something’s wrong with you. Therapy helps rebuild that self-worth and remind you that, yes, you are enough.
Trust Issues
Let’s be real—trust issues are one of the biggest side effects of relational trauma. After being let down, it’s hard to trust anyone again, and that includes trusting yourself. In couples therapy or individual therapy, we work on rebuilding that trust. It’s about learning to trust others and having confidence in your own judgment.
Repeating the Same Patterns
Sometimes, without even realizing it, we repeat the same relationship patterns that hurt us in the first place. It’s like being stuck in a loop of bad decisions. Therapy helps you break out of that cycle by giving you the tools to recognize those patterns and change them.
The mental health impact of relational trauma
If you’ve been carrying around the weight of relational trauma, it’s time to put it down. Therapy in Hermosa Beach offers a safe, supportive space where you can unpack all that emotional baggage, whether you’re working through it alone or with your partner.
Couples therapy can be an invaluable resource. Trauma often creates barriers to intimacy and communication, but with the right guidance, couples can learn how to navigate these challenges together. Whether you're dealing with trust issues, emotional disconnection, or lingering wounds from past relationships, couples therapy can help rebuild a strong, trusting foundation.
Some benefits of both individual and couples therapy are identifying and managing triggers; building healthy coping skills; reducing feelings of anger, frustration, sadness and guilt; and overall improvement in health, relationships, well being and quality of life.
Healing from trauma takes time, but with the support of a therapist in Hermosa Beach, you can move forward toward a life that feels fulfilling, connected, and secure. Whether you’re seeking help for yourself or your relationship, taking that first step into therapy can be the most important part of your healing journey.
