Couples Counseling in Redondo Beach to Improve Communication and Deepen Your Bond
In the middle of all the noise of misunderstandings, arguments, expectations, distractions listening remains the one thing that can truly change everything. When you and your partner are talking, trying to be heard or understood, the act of being listened to becomes one of the most healing experiences you can give each other.
In my work as a couples therapist in the South Bay, I’ve seen that it’s not just what we say, but how we listen and how we’re listened to that makes the difference between feeling distant and being deeply connected. When you listen to someone fully without rehearsing your comeback, without judging, without drifting away, you’re gifting them something rare: presence. That presence says, “I see you. I hear you. You matter.” And when that message lands, your partner relaxes, the walls soften, and the heart opens.
Listening isn’t passive. It’s not waiting for your turn to speak. It’s an intentional act of love. And in relationships where communication feels stuck or every conversation feels like a battle, learning the art of listening might just be the most courageous thing you do together.
Listening is the most important of all the communication skills that can create and preserve intimacy. When you listen well, you understand your partner better, you stay closely in tune, you enjoy the relation- ship more, and you know without mind reading why your partner says and does things. Listening is a commitment and a compliment. It is a commitment to understanding and empathy, to putting aside your own interests, needs, and prejudices long enough to see your relationship through your partner’s eyes. Listening is a compliment to your partner because it says, “I care about you. I want to know what you think and feel and need.”
According to Psychology Today, listening can actually function as an act of love one that signals to your partner that you’re emotionally available and engaged. It’s the foundation that allows communication to move from defensiveness to discovery. When couples in therapy begin to experience real listening, the kind that goes beyond the words, they often describe feeling seen in a way they didn’t know was possible. It’s not that problems disappear overnight, but connection begins to re-emerge, one conversation at a time.
Why is Listening so Hard?
If listening were easy, none of us would need help with it. But the truth is, most of us were never taught how to listen, not really. We learned to defend, to analyze, to solve. Our nervous systems jump in the moment we feel criticized or misunderstood. Instead of staying open, we prepare our rebuttal or shut down altogether.
Many couples who come to couples therapy in Hermosa Beach or online therapy in California find themselves caught in this loop: one person feels unheard and becomes louder, while the other feels overwhelmed and pulls away. It’s not that either partner is bad at communication; it’s that both are trying to protect themselves.
When we slow down and notice what’s happening underneath that reactivity: the fear of being dismissed, the longing to be seen, the worry that your needs are “too much,” listening becomes easier. Because at its core, good listening requires emotional regulation and safety.
Common Blocks to Listening
Here are a few of the most common listening blocks I see in my work with couples, and some ways to work through them:
Mind Reading:
You assume you already know what your partner means or worse, what they really mean. But mind reading usually leads to misunderstanding. Let your partner tell you what’s true for them, in their own words.
Rehearsing:
You’re mentally preparing your response while your partner is still talking. You’re hearing, but not really listening. Try focusing entirely on what’s being said, and you’ll have your turn.
Filtering:
You pick and choose what to take in, usually avoiding the parts that feel uncomfortable. True listening means allowing the whole message- the parts that affirm you and the parts that challenge you.
Judging:
You start evaluating your partner’s words instead of receiving them. When judgment sneaks in, curiosity disappears. Try replacing judgment with gentle curiosity: “Can you tell me more about that?”
Daydreaming:
Your mind wanders, even when you don’t mean for it to. It’s human, but it might also be avoidance. When you notice it happening, take a breath and bring your attention back.
Advising:
You jump into problem-solving mode because you want to help. But advice isn’t always what your partner needs; sometimes they just need to be heard. Listening is often more healing than fixing.
Sparring:
You turn the conversation into a debate, focusing on who’s right rather than what’s real. Step back and remind yourself: the goal is connection, not victory.
Being Right:
Needing to be right often comes from fear, the fear of being wrong, of being misunderstood, of losing control. The most connected couples are willing to say, “I might not have this right, but I want to understand you.”
Derailing:
You crack a joke or change the subject to avoid discomfort. But uncomfortable moments often lead to the most meaningful breakthroughs.
Placating:
You agree quickly just to keep the peace. It seems kind in the moment, but it creates distance over time. Real intimacy requires honesty, even when it’s awkward.
If these sound familiar, you’re not alone. Many couples fall into these patterns, especially when stress or hurt builds over time. Couples therapy across California provides a safe space to slow things down, recognize these habits, and build new, healthier ways to engage.
The Art of Active Listening
Active listening is the skill that turns communication into connection. It’s not just nodding along—it’s showing your partner that you truly get it. The Gottman Institute calls this “listening without defensiveness,” and it’s one of the most effective tools for deepening emotional safety.
Here are three ways to practice active listening:
1. Paraphrasing
After your partner shares something important, gently summarize what you heard:
“It sounds like you’re saying you felt left out when I made that decision without asking.”
This simple act communicates that you’re tracking their emotional experience and care enough to confirm you understand.
2. Clarifying
Ask open-ended questions to make sure you’re clear:
“When you said you felt distant, can you tell me more about what that feels like?”
Clarifying avoids assumptions and shows curiosity, a key ingredient in empathy.
3. Giving Feedback
Feedback in this context isn’t correction; it’s reflection. You might say,
“Thank you for sharing that. I didn’t realize how big of an impact that moment had on you.”
This kind of feedback reassures your partner that their feelings landed somewhere safe.
Research from Michigan State University Extension shows that active listening can lower defensiveness, reduce reactivity, and strengthen mutual empathy in relationships. It helps transform conversations from reactive exchanges to opportunities for understanding.
Building a Relationship Where You Both Feel Heard with Couples Therapy in Los Angeles
Every couple struggles with communication at some point, but the difference between distance and connection often comes down to listening. When you slow down, stay curious, and listen with empathy, you’re not just exchanging words, you’re creating emotional safety.
If you and your partner are struggling to communicate or feel like you talk in circles, couples therapy in Hermosa Beach can help. Together, we can untangle the habits that get in the way and build new ways of relating that actually help you feel seen, understood, and supported.
Whether you’re seeking couples therapy in the South Bay: Hermosa Beach, Redondo Beach, Manhattan Beach, greater Los Angeles area or online therapy anywhere in California, this work can help you reconnect in a way that feels honest and healing.
The art of listening might be simple, but it’s not easy, and it just might be the thing that changes everything.
