Gaslighting in Relationships: What It Is, How to Spot It, and How Can Therapy in the South Bay Help You Reclaim Your Power

Gaslighting isn’t just a trendy word; it’s one of the most disorienting and harmful forms of emotional manipulation that exists. As a therapist in Hermosa Beach who supports both individuals and couples, I’ve seen the emotional toll gaslighting can take on people’s confidence, mental health, and ability to feel secure in their relationships.

What makes gaslighting so difficult to identify is that it’s often subtle, quiet, and persistent. It doesn’t always come in the form of yelling or name-calling. Sometimes it looks like passive-aggressive remarks, constant denial of your experiences, or making you feel like you’re the problem until you start to believe it.

But here’s what I want you to know: clarity is the antidote to gaslighting. The more you understand what it is and how it operates, the better equipped you are to take back your power, set boundaries, and heal.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation where someone causes you to question your own reality. It might look like being told you’re “too sensitive,” having your memory of events denied, or being blamed for things that clearly aren’t your fault. Whether it’s intentional or not, the impact is the same: you start doubting your own perceptions, instincts, and emotions.

In romantic relationships, gaslighting often shows up when one partner refuses to take accountability and instead twists the narrative to make the other feel confused or guilty. Over time, this manipulation can wear down your self-trust and leave you constantly second-guessing yourself.

Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula describes gaslighting as a “slow erosion of reality.” It’s not usually one big incident—it builds over time through repeated denial, contradiction, and invalidation.

How to Recognize Gaslighting: Red Flags to Watch For

Gaslighting isn’t always obvious, which is part of what makes it so harmful. Many people don’t even realize it’s happening until they’re deep into patterns of confusion and self-doubt. Some signs you may be experiencing gaslighting include:

Chronic self-doubt: You constantly second-guess your memory, feelings, or reactions.

Over-apologizing: You find yourself apologizing all the time—even for things that aren’t your fault.

Walking on eggshells: You’re afraid to speak up or express needs for fear of being blamed or dismissed.

Emotional invalidation: You’re told your feelings are “too much,” “dramatic,” or just plain wrong.

Blame-shifting: The other person never takes responsibility and always finds a way to make you the problem.

These patterns can be especially confusing in intimate relationships, where emotional connection is supposed to feel safe and not disorienting.

How Gaslighting Damages Relationships

As someone who offers couples therapy in Hermosa Beach, I see how gaslighting can quietly sabotage intimacy and trust. When one partner feels constantly invalidated or manipulated, the emotional safety in the relationship disappears.

Gaslighting can lead to:

Loss of trust between partners

Chronic anxiety and hypervigilance

Erosion of self-confidence

Emotional disconnection and isolation

Increased conflict and resentment

Over time, these effects can make it difficult to feel secure, supported, or even sane in your relationship. And the longer it goes unaddressed, the harder it becomes to repair without outside help.

The Mental Health Impact of Gaslighting

Gaslighting doesn’t just affect your relationships, it has a serious toll on your mental health. People who’ve experienced long-term gaslighting often report:

Anxiety: Constant self-doubt and emotional invalidation can leave your nervous system on high alert.

Depression: You might feel powerless, unworthy, or hopeless about ever being understood.

Low self-esteem: When your feelings are regularly dismissed, it’s easy to start believing you’re the problem.

PTSD-like symptoms: Emotional flashbacks, hypervigilance, and panic attacks are common.

Difficulty trusting others: Especially in future relationships, even when someone is being kind or supportive.

These emotional wounds can stick around long after the relationship ends unless you take active steps to heal and reconnect with your inner truth.

Why Do People Gaslight?

Gaslighting isn’t always a conscious or malicious choice. Sometimes, it stems from:

Avoidance of accountability: Shifting blame to avoid discomfort or consequences.

Learned behavior: Repeating patterns seen in childhood or past relationships.

Insecurity or control issues: Using manipulation to maintain a sense of power.

Narcissistic tendencies: In more severe cases, it can be a part of broader emotional abuse.

Understanding where gaslighting behavior comes from can help you depersonalize it—but that doesn’t mean you have to accept it.

How to Take Your Power Back from Gaslighting

If any of this resonates, take a breath—you’re not alone, and you’re not imagining it. Here’s how to start reclaiming your sense of self and emotional clarity:

1. Trust Your Inner Voice

Gaslighting thrives when you lose trust in yourself. Keeping a journal of events, thoughts, or conversations can help you see patterns more clearly and affirm your experiences.

2. Set Firm Boundaries

Boundaries are a powerful way to protect your emotional wellbeing. You can say things like, “I’m not okay with being spoken to that way,” or “This conversation isn’t productive, and I’m stepping away.”

3. Avoid the Trap of Circular Arguments

Gaslighting often leads to repetitive, exhausting arguments that go nowhere. It’s okay to say, “We see this differently, and I’m not continuing this conversation.”

4. Reach Out for Support

Talking with friends, family, or a therapist can help you reality-check your experiences and rebuild your confidence.

5. Consider Therapy

Therapy can be a powerful space to unpack the emotional impact of gaslighting and begin healing. Whether through individual therapy in Hermosa Beach or online therapy across California, support is available.

How Therapy in Hermosa Beach Can Help You Heal from Gaslighting

Therapy isn’t just about coping—it’s about reclaiming who you are. Working with a therapist can help you:

Rebuild trust in your own perceptions and instincts.

Process emotional abuse in a safe, validating space.

Set healthy boundaries and stick to them.

Restore your sense of identity and confidence.

Learn tools to communicate more clearly and assertively.

If your relationship is ongoing and you both want to repair the damage, couples therapy in Hermosa Beach can also help rebuild trust and safety if both partners are committed to change.

Online therapy is also available if you’re located elsewhere in California and need flexible support.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Overreacting

Gaslighting is one of the most confusing and emotionally exhausting forms of manipulation but it’s not your fault, and you don’t have to keep living in that fog.

Whether you’re looking for individual therapy in Hermosa Beach to reconnect with yourself, or couples therapy to shift unhealthy dynamics, healing is possible.

You deserve relationships where your feelings are valid, your voice is respected, and your reality is not up for debate.

You deserve relationships where both are respected.