Red Flags in Relationships: When to Pay Attention and When to Run

We’ve all been there—staring at a text, trying to decode whether someone’s behavior is just a one-time thing or a flashing neon sign screaming, “RUN.” Relationships can be complicated, but red flags? Those should be easy to spot. And yet, they rarely are. Let’s break down some big ones, with help from some experts who have been calling them out loud and clear.

1. They Isolate You from Family and Friends

One of the biggest red flags is when your partner starts pulling you away from your support system. It might start small—guilt-tripping you about spending time with friends, rolling their eyes when you mention your family, or making you feel like they’re the only person who truly understands you. But before you know it, your world shrinks down to just them. Not a coincidence. It’s a tactic. And a dangerous one.

2. They Lack Accountability

Everyone messes up sometimes. The difference? Healthy partners own their mistakes. A major red flag is when someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions. If they always blame others, twist the story, or play the victim, you’re not in a relationship—you’re managing their ego. And that’s exhausting.

3. They Threaten, Intimidate or Control You

This one’s serious. If someone is using fear, threats, or manipulation to control you, it’s not love—it’s control. This can be subtle, like making you afraid to bring up certain topics, or overt, like explosive anger that keeps you walking on eggshells. Either way, it’s a massive red flag. Love should feel safe, not like a hostage situation.

4. They’re Jealous and Possessive

A little jealousy is human, sure. But if they’re tracking your location, demanding to know who you’re talking to, or acting like your independence is a personal attack, that’s not cute—it’s controlling. Jealousy in relationships should never feel like surveillance.

5. They Constantly Criticize You

There’s a difference between constructive feedback and feeling like you can’t do anything right. If they make you feel small, question your worth, or nitpick everything from the way you talk to the way you load the dishwasher, that’s not love—it’s erosion. Your confidence deserves better.

6. They Dismiss Your Feelings

Ever tried expressing how you feel, only to hear, “You’re overreacting,” “That never happened,” or “You’re being too sensitive”? That’s called gaslighting, and it’s a major red flag. A healthy partner listens, validates, and works through issues with you—not against you.

How Can Therapy Help?

Recognizing red flags in relationships is one thing—knowing what to do about them is another. That’s where therapy comes in. Couples therapy and individual therapy can help you untangle unhealthy relationship patterns, rebuild self-trust, and develop the confidence to set boundaries.

In therapy in Hermosa Beach, we focus on helping individuals and couples identify patterns that keep them stuck in unhealthy dynamics. If you’re dealing with a relationship that’s leaving you drained, anxious, or second-guessing yourself, therapy can offer clarity and tools to move forward.

For couples, couples therapy in Hermosa Beach can be a space to address unhealthy dynamics before they spiral. If both partners are committed to growth, therapy can help rebuild trust, improve communication, and strengthen emotional safety.

For individuals, individual therapy in Hermosa Beach can provide the space to heal from past relationships, recognize red flags sooner, and create a healthier relationship with yourself—because that’s where it all starts.

Final Thoughts: Trust Your Gut

Red flags aren’t always big, dramatic moments. Sometimes, they’re quiet—little things that don’t sit right. If you feel uneasy, don’t ignore it. Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual care. If you’re constantly second-guessing yourself or feeling drained, it might be time to step back and reassess.

And hey, if any of these red flags hit a little too close to home, therapy in Hermosa Beach can help. Whether you’re trying to navigate relationship doubts, rebuild your confidence, or just get some clarity, talking to a professional (hello, therapist in Hermosa Beach!) can make all the difference.

Your relationships should make you feel safe, supported, and valued. If they don’t, that’s your sign.

Need support? Let’s talk.