The Unseen Toll of Being ‘The Strong One’: Redefining Success for High-Achieving Women

Powerhouse, high-achieving women are remarkable, largely due to their ability to dig deep when things get tough, overcome obstacles, and excel where others quit. High-achieving women are, to a fault, amazing at compensation. A lot of that compensation is coupled with a determined striving personality. That’s what makes them high-achieving. Many women who fit this description have thrived through challenges, proving again and again that they can push past limits and rise above adversity. No matter their background or experiences, high achievers are skilled at rejecting any internal or external message of limitation and excelling where others falter.

And let’s be honest—it feels good to be that person. The one people rely on. The one who delivers, outperforms, and figures it out. It’s empowering to be seen as capable and successful. It’s validating. But what happens when you find yourself in a situation where ‘digging deeper’ and ‘giving more’ no longer work?

As a therapist in Hermosa Beach who works with high-achieving women, I can tell you—this moment comes for a lot of us. And it can feel like hitting a brick wall at full speed.

High Expectations, Zero Empowerment, Toxic Work Culture, and Doing It All Yourself

Many high-achieving women find themselves in environments that demand more than they can reasonably give, yet fail to provide the support or authority necessary to succeed. Some are in jobs where they hold immense responsibility without the actual power to enact meaningful change. You’re expected to fix problems but aren’t given the tools. You’re praised for “making it work,” but constantly on the edge of burnout.

Others are stuck in toxic workplace cultures—constant criticism, chaotic leadership, or unrealistic expectations. Even when you’re giving everything you’ve got, it never feels like enough. There’s always another fire to put out. Another task you “should have” anticipated.

And then there are the women doing it all. Full-time careers, caregiving, managing households, maintaining friendships, showing up for everyone else—until your body and mind are throwing red flags in the form of panic attacks, anxiety, or physical exhaustion.

But instead of blaming the impossible circumstances, high-achieving women often turn inward.

The High-Achiever’s Default: Blame Yourself and Push Harder

When faced with overwhelming stress or an unsolvable problem, the default mode is usually: “I must not be trying hard enough.”

Sound familiar?

• “I just need to put in more time.”
• “I need to strategize better.”
• “If I could just figure out the right approach, I could fix this.”

It’s a mindset rooted in the belief that if something isn’t working, the answer is more effort. More perfection. Less rest. Less asking for help.

This is where individual therapy—especially therapy for high-achieving women—can make a huge difference. Not because you need to be “fixed,” but because you need a space where your struggles are seen, not dismissed. Where success doesn’t require self-abandonment.

But Why Is It So Hard to Accept Help?

Every high-achiever eventually runs into something they can’t manage alone. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human.

So why is it so hard to slow down, ask for help, or even admit you’re struggling?

For many women, it’s because they’ve been conditioned to minimize their own needs. To suppress their feelings. To never let their vulnerability show. In fact, the very traits that helped them succeed—resilience, independence, problem-solving—can keep them stuck in unhealthy patterns.

It’s not just about personality. It’s about identity. When your sense of self is tied to achievement and control, letting go—even a little—can feel terrifying.

• “What if I can’t handle this?”
• “Will they see me as weak?”
• “Who am I if I’m not the one who holds it all together?”

These are the moments where working with a therapist—whether in person in Hermosa Beach or through online therapy in California—can help you unpack these questions without judgment.

So What Can You Do About It?

Prioritize Your Own Needs (Without the Guilt Trip)

One of the most radical things high-achieving women can do is start valuing their own needs. This isn’t a bubble bath kind of self-care suggestion. This is about real, deep permission to rest, receive, and slow down. You can’t keep running on empty just because people expect you to.

Let’s be clear: burnout is not a badge of honor. And burnout recovery is a real process—one that you don’t have to figure out alone.

Set Boundaries and Learn to Rest (Really Rest)

Boundaries are more than saying no to things you don’t want to do. They’re about creating space for what keeps you whole. Whether that’s saying no to extra work, turning off notifications at night, or simply taking your vacation days without guilt—it matters.

Rest is a form of resistance in a culture that glorifies overwork. And it’s essential for longevity—personally and professionally.

If you’re looking for help setting boundaries or recalibrating your life, therapy for high-achieving women can be a game-changer.

Do the Deep Work That Actually Heals

Changing your habits is helpful—but healing the beliefs underneath them is transformative. Many high-achieving women are driven by fears of failure, rejection, or not being enough. These patterns often come from early life experiences, and they don’t just disappear with a productivity hack.

Individual therapy in Hermosa Beach (or anywhere online in California) offers a space to explore these deeper layers, unlearn harmful narratives, and build a more grounded sense of self-worth.

You’re Still in Control—Just in a New Way

Here’s the good news: You don’t have to give up your ambition or drive. You just have to redefine success in a way that includes you.

Success doesn’t have to mean self-sacrifice. Being strong doesn’t have to mean being alone.

If you’re exhausted from trying to meet impossible expectations, therapy in Hermosa Beach or online therapy in California can help you:

• Reconnect with your values
• Set sustainable goals
• Navigate burnout recovery
• Build healthier relationships (with yourself and others)
• Redefine strength on your own terms

Final Thoughts

Being the “strong one” comes at a cost—especially when no one sees the toll it’s taking. You’ve achieved a lot. You’ve carried a lot. But you don’t have to keep doing it all alone.

Therapy for high-achieving women can help you create a life that feels successful and sustainable. Whether you’re in Hermosa Beach or looking for online therapy in California, there is support for you here. This is your invitation to put the cape down and reclaim your own well-being.

Ready for a different kind of success? Let’s talk.