Healing Your Inner Child: How Unmet Childhood Needs Shape Your Relationships (and How Therapy in South Bay Can Help)
Most of us carry pieces of our childhood into adulthood, some warm and comforting, others painful and unresolved. You might light up at the smell of your favorite holiday dish, or maybe you feel an unexplained sadness every time someone shuts down on you. That ache? It might not be about the present at all. It could be your inner child remembering what it felt like to be ignored, dismissed, or left emotionally hanging.
This younger, tender part of you doesn’t just vanish with age. In fact, therapists often refer to it as your inner child, a part of your psyche that holds onto early emotional experiences. And if that inner child is carrying unhealed wounds, it can deeply affect how you show up in your adult relationships. The way you react during conflict, the fear of being abandoned, the need to prove your worth over and over again, these patterns often trace back to unmet emotional needs from childhood.
The good news? You can heal. You can reconnect with the parts of yourself that didn’t get what they needed growing up and offer them the care and compassion they always deserved. Through individual therapy in Hermosa Beach, online therapy in California, or wherever you’re located, this healing journey can begin.
What Is the Inner Child?
The inner child is the part of you that still holds onto memories, feelings, and beliefs formed during your early years. It’s not just a metaphor; it’s a real and powerful force in your emotional life. This part of you remembers what it was like to feel loved, scared, unseen, or shamed.
Even if you don’t consciously dwell on your childhood, those early experiences can quietly shape how you relate to others. Were your emotions welcomed and understood or shut down? Were your needs met with attunement or indifference? Your inner child learned what to expect from others, and those expectations often follow you into adulthood.
This doesn’t mean you’re “stuck in the past.” It means that parts of you are still waiting for resolution, especially if you never had the chance to process painful experiences in a safe, supportive environment. That’s where therapy comes in.
Signs Your Inner Child Is Wounded
You don’t have to remember every detail of your childhood to know something’s off. Often, your adult patterns tell the story. Here are some signs your inner child might be carrying unhealed pain:
You overreact to perceived rejection or criticism
You have a hard time setting boundaries—or feel guilty when you do
You fear abandonment or feel clingy in relationships
You shut down emotionally when things get hard
You people-please to stay “safe” or liked
You feel deeply unworthy or like you have to “earn” love
Sound familiar? These aren’t personality flaws, they’re adaptations. These are ways your inner child learned to cope in environments that didn’t always feel safe, nurturing, or emotionally consistent. And while those patterns may have helped you survive then, they can make thriving in adult relationships more difficult now.
What It Looks Like When Your Inner Child Gets Triggered
Sometimes, your reaction to a situation feels way bigger than it should. Maybe your partner takes a while to reply to a text and you spiral into panic. Or someone gives you constructive feedback and you feel like you’re five years old being scolded. That’s your inner child showing up.
When triggered, you might feel:
Small and helpless
Angry but unsure why
Emotionally overwhelmed
Terrified of being “too much”
Like you need to fix the situation instantly to feel okay again
These moments are less about the present and more about the past creeping in. Your inner child is not trying to sabotage you, it’s just trying to protect you the only way it knows how. Learning how to recognize and respond to these moments with compassion can be life-changing.
What Is Inner Child Work in Therapy?
Inner child work is a therapeutic process that helps you reconnect with, understand, and care for the younger parts of yourself. It’s about listening to the emotional echoes of your past and responding with love instead of shame. In therapy, you might be guided to:
Identify childhood wounds that still influence your current behavior
Understand the emotional survival strategies you developed
Practice self-compassion and emotional validation
Learn how to “reparent” your inner child by giving them the nurturing they missed
Whether you’re doing inner child work in person through therapy in Hermosa Beach, online therapy across California, or both, it’s all about meeting yourself with curiosity rather than judgment. It’s not about blaming your parents or your past. It’s about finally giving your younger self what they didn’t get.
How You Know Your Inner Child Is Healing
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. But with time, intention, and support, your inner world begins to shift. Here are a few signs your inner child is on the mend:
You stop abandoning yourself. Instead of ignoring your emotions, you listen to them.
You respond instead of react. You pause before reacting and consider what your adult self wants to do.
You show yourself grace. You stop beating yourself up for having needs or emotions.
You feel safer in relationships. You no longer look for others to rescue or validate you, you start giving that to yourself.
You protect your peace. You set boundaries without guilt because you know your needs matter too.
Healing isn’t about becoming a “perfect” version of yourself. It’s about being in relationship with all parts of you including the younger ones, and learning how to show up for yourself with care and consistency.
How Therapy in California Can Help You Reconnect with Your Inner Child
You don’t have to do this work alone. In fact, inner child work is often most powerful when done with a skilled therapist who can hold a safe and supportive space for your healing.
Here’s how therapy can help:
A place to process safely. Therapy provides space to explore painful memories without being overwhelmed.
Personalized insight. A therapist can help connect the dots between your current patterns and past experiences.
Reparenting tools. You’ll learn ways to nurture and support your inner child, especially during emotionally charged moments.
Nervous system regulation. Therapists can teach you grounding tools to help manage anxiety, shame, or emotional flooding.
A healing relationship. Sometimes, the therapeutic relationship itself becomes a reparative experience—a chance to feel seen, heard, and emotionally safe.
Whether you’re seeking individual therapy in Hermosa Beach, surrounding cities like Redondo Beach or Manhattan Beach, or you’re exploring online therapy anywhere in California, this work is possible and accessible. And it’s worth it.
You Deserve to Feel Whole
If your past still feels like it’s interfering with your present, your inner child might be asking for your attention not to bring you pain, but to invite you into healing. The work of inner child healing isn’t about rehashing every detail of your childhood. It’s about honoring your story and choosing to care for yourself in a way that changes the future.
Therapy can be a powerful step toward that healing. You don’t have to carry the emotional weight alone. With the right support, you can begin to untangle from old patterns, build healthier relationships, and feel more grounded in who you are.
Looking for support? I offer individual therapy in Hermosa Beach, Redondo Beach, Manhattan Beach, and throughout California via online therapy. If you’re ready to reconnect with your inner child, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
