Why You Keep Getting in Your Own Way (And How Therapy in the South Bay Can Help You Stop)

Ever feel like just when things start going well BOOM you somehow mess it up? Like you’re standing in your own way, watching the opportunity slip through your fingers? That frustrating cycle has a name: self-sabotage. And if it feels familiar, you’re not alone. As a therapist in Hermosa Beach, I see it all the time, in individual therapy, couples therapy, and even in conversations with high-achievers who can’t figure out why they’re stuck.

So What Is Self-Sabotage, Exactly?

Self-sabotage isn’t always loud or obvious. Sometimes it’s sneaky. It might look like procrastinating, ghosting opportunities, constantly people-pleasing, or setting expectations so high that you can’t possibly meet them. Other times, it shows up as that harsh inner voice whispering, “You’re not good enough, why bother trying?”

From the outside, it may look like laziness or self-doubt. But inside? There’s usually a scared or wounded part of you trying to stay safe. Self-sabotage is protection dressed up as self-destruction. And while it might have served a purpose once upon a time, it’s probably not helping you now.

Therapy in Hermosa Beach Can Help You Get Unstuck

A lot of people come to therapy in Hermosa Beach or nearby cities like Manhattan Beach and Redondo Beach because they’re tired of getting in their own way. Whether it’s your career, your relationships, or just your sense of peace, self-sabotage can be exhausting. But it’s not a life sentence. With the right support, you can break the cycle and build something better.

Let’s look at some common ways self-sabotage shows up, and how therapy can help you shift out of it.

Common Causes of Self-Sabotage

1. Low Self-Esteem

When you don’t believe you’re worthy of success, love, or happiness, you’ll often find ways to sabotage it. This might look like pushing people away, downplaying your achievements, or never going after what you want in the first place. Low self-worth creates a glass ceiling that you can’t seem to break.

In individual therapy, we work to rewire those old beliefs so you can start seeing yourself, and your potential, more clearly.

2. Fear of the Unknown

Change, even good change, can be scary. Self-sabotage often comes from a fear of what success might mean. What if things change too much? What if I lose control? What if I’m not ready?

Therapy helps you gently challenge those fears and build tolerance for uncertainty, so growth doesn’t feel like a threat, it feels like a possibility.

3. A False Sense of Control

Here’s the paradox: sabotaging yourself can feel… weirdly empowering. If you expect to fail, at least you’re in charge of the failure, right?

But let’s be honest, choosing failure to avoid disappointment still hurts. Therapy helps you find safer, healthier ways to feel in control, ones that don’t require blowing up your own progress.

4. Unresolved Childhood Wounds

If you grew up feeling like love was conditional, or that you had to earn your worth, those patterns don’t just disappear in adulthood. They shape how you view yourself, how you relate to others, and how much success or happiness you allow yourself to have.

In therapy, we explore how your early experiences shaped your beliefs and how to start creating new ones that support the life you want today.

5. Cognitive Dissonance

When what you say you want doesn’t line up with what you believe about yourself, things get murky. You might tell yourself you want to grow or succeed, but if some part of you still believes you’re not good enough, your actions may contradict your intentions.

Therapy helps you bridge that gap, aligning your beliefs with your goals so your actions support your desires instead of sabotaging them.

Signs You Might Be Self-Sabotaging

Not sure if this is you? Here are a few red flags to watch for:

Constant procrastination (especially when it matters most)

Harsh self-talk or perfectionism

Avoiding new opportunities because of fear

Making choices that undermine your goals

Getting in conflict with people right before things go well

Choosing emotionally unavailable partners—over and over again

Saying yes when you want to say no, and vice versa

If you’re nodding along, it might be time to explore how therapy in Hermosa Beach or online therapy in California can help you shift out of these patterns.

How Therapy in the South Bay Helps You Break the Cycle

In individual therapy, we get curious, not critical, about your patterns. Instead of judging your behavior, we explore what it’s trying to protect you from. We look at what feels unsafe about succeeding, being seen, or taking up space. And then, we work on healing the wounds underneath it all.

Whether you’re doing individual therapy, couples therapy, or exploring online therapy across California, here’s what the process usually includes:

Building self-awareness: You can’t change what you don’t see. Therapy helps you catch those patterns in real-time.

Challenging limiting beliefs: We dig into the stories you’ve been telling yourself and start rewriting them.

Creating supportive habits: Small, intentional actions that reinforce your worth and your goals.

Healing emotional wounds: So the scared part of you doesn’t have to keep driving the bus.

You Don’t Have to Keep Getting in Your Own Way

It’s not about fixing you. It’s about supporting you. You don’t need more willpower or another to-do list. You need compassion, insight, and a safe space to make sense of what’s really going on.

If you’re tired of sabotaging the very things you want, therapy in Hermosa Beach or online therapy anywhere in California can help you shift out of survival mode and into growth. Whether you’re navigating individual challenges or working through patterns in a relationship, we can do the work together.

Let’s talk. You don’t have to do it alone.